A Fafillion Things I Hate (in no particular order)

OH HAI.

Have been ridiculously busy lately, which I've noticed has made me hyper-aware of stupid shit that continually happens around here. So I've come up with a half-assed list of STUFF THAT PISSES ME OFF.

Please feel free to delete me off your RSS feed.

1. People who delete me off their RSS feed because I get all ranty on MY website. Dude, if you want all sweetness and light, go read about making cupcakes on some mommyblogger's website.

2. People who continually let me down, even though they promise they never will and yet it happens every single week. Of course, I am too stupid to cut relations with these people because apparently I like banging my head on my desk. OHMAHFUCK.

3. People who make promises and do not follow through. Once, I can deal with. Twice, okay, you were busy. Three times? I NEED MY HEAD EXAMINED.

4. People who divulge your personal information for other's entertainment. WTF.

5. PR People who do not call you back. Isn't it your JOB to call me back? Oh, that's right, you were at lunch.

6. People who let their dogs use my lawn poop on my lawn and just keep walking. You suck.

7. People who continually bitch about the economy, "Oh, poor me and my retirement." and then go out and buy a whole new wardrobe/plasma TV or go to Aruba.

8. The high cost of cereal. It is rice or oats or wheat. Why the fuck is it $4.79 a box? And why do my children eat so much of it?

9. Cats that barf on the my carpet. My house is like 85% wood floors and tile. Why do the cats insist on throwing up on the one thing in the house that is fucking ridiculous to clean? And why do they do it at 3 am, otherwise destroying my dream of me and Gordon Ramsay making out?

10. Douchebags. Enough said.

11. Husbands that ask you to find an invoice that needs to be paid that very day and let you waste 2 1/2 hours of your very busy day, only to find out it's on their computer as a fucking PDF file.

12. Dora the Explorer.

13. Emails from Self.com that insinuate I am out of shape and eating poor meal choices every day.

14. People who call you in order to get you to do something for someone else that they very well could have done them themselves, if they picked up a fucking phone.

15. Vacuuming.

16. Laundry. Where the hell is my naked manservant?

17. People who call and trill "We MUST get together!" and then they are nevar to be heard from again.

18. Colds. Flu. Nausea. Fevers. Bite me.

19. Turning 38 next week. I cannot be 38. That is not possible. Clearly I am still 27. Right? Oh, shut it.

20. Just about everybody on American Idol. I like the cutey black nail polished emo kid, but that's most likely because I am pretty fucking emo these days.

21. People with blue ducks and shit in their house. Hello? It's 1985 calling, they want their decor back.

22. People who talk about social media but are not social themselves. WTF is up with that?

23. Assholes who drive enormous pick-up trucks and have that annoying peeing Calvin on the window. Yeah, dude, I bet your package is incredibly small.

24. People who want you to love their God. How about we keep that shit to ourselves, mmmkay?

25. And finally, not having enough time to blog. I've missed you My Dear Internets. Come over later and let me love you up.

Comments

[Lisa M]

haha! Great list. I feel the same about #22--one of my pet peeves also.
38? You are still a baby :-)

[Me]

Aww, you're so sweet. I don't feel like I could possibly be this old. Hold me. ;)

[Mae]

Those country blue duckie decor types are now making duckie cozies out of felt and turning their ducks into penguins and parrots, I kid you not.

Delete you? Never! I already know how to make crappy cupcakes.

[JayHMT]

How about people who comment on your blog simply to point out spelling errors?
ps ~ rant #11
:-)

[Climber Dilj]

We really MUST get together again

[Jami]

I like #5. PR people suck. heeee.

[akamonty]

Sorry it took me so long to comment, I had to go peel the peeing Calvin off the back window of my truck.
Also I had to listen to my boss recount her recent trip to Cancun, AND her last weekend in New York City, and then bitch about how the business is not making any money.

I figure about half of your list could possibly pertain to me, especially the douchebag part. :)
But I still love you anyways.
xoxoxoxoxox

[Lisa Creech Bledsoe]

I just came over for the first time, mostly to see how you survived the hamster wheel yesterday (I'm @glowbird on Twitter), and the first thing I see is "fafillion" -- and I laughed all over again.

I love your blog, partly because you're so damn witty, but also because you're willing to drop the f bomb at least as many times as I think it. I could probably learn something here.

I'm rss-ing NOW!

[Lisa Creech Bledsoe]

Oh! I meant to say: I enjoyed "fafillion" SO much yesterday that I stole it outright, modified it, and used it in my own blog post: http://theglowingedge.com/bettah-watch-out-for-my-jab-baby/

[Jessica (@It's my life...)]

Aw man! We have a damn blue duck! We inherited it from my husband's parents when they redecorated. Dude. I'm French, I didn't know any better. I'm sorry... (Hangs head in shame.)
And I'm sorry... but naked men doing laundry? Ick. I mean, things will touch things... can they wear loincloths or something?
Also, you could always count on me, for anything, pinky swear. But I'm not getting rid of the duck. He's grown on me.

[Sandra]

I remember those blue ducks! What was I thinking? I just had a "friend" who turned into a psycho and divulged personal information. Ugh.

Thanks for making me smile. Off to make cupcakes and play classic rock now.

[A Forest Frolic]

Hahahah, freakin' hilarious! Love it!

Jamie :)

[LittleMissAnnMarie]

Thanks for making me laugh...I need it these days! Can relate to so much...heh.

E-mail me about YOUR health shet...and eventually, I'll prob. start a new blog...OY!

MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Michael]

that was the funniest shit i've read in a long time. you rock.

[Healthmale]

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