Too Fabulous for Words

My Only Excuse is that I have No Excuse

Oh, Interwebs. I am sorry. After my big whiny post, I had nothing. I still owe a lot of you emails, and I will send them. Soon. We went away for a few days for our anniversary and today I'm looking at suitcases, snacks and stacks of laundry. Tomorrow it's back to writing, writing, writing. I'm going to get my act together. It just won't be today. Am going to lie out in the sun and try and find my funny again.

How to Occupy Your Kids so You Can Have a Kit-Kat Bar

When we were asked to try out the new game Go Pets, Vacation Island for Nintendo DS, I was all, "YES!!" with a fist pump, because my family? They loves them some video games.

Can I just say, the second this game entered our household, silence became the king. No more, "I don't want to watch Hannah Montana!" or "He's throwing Cheesies at meeeeee!" Nothing but silence.

Blissful silence.

I had the daughter (age 9) and my son (age 12) instantly engrossed. These are kids that already have been captivated by Beanie babies, WebKinz and Dogz on Nintendo DS, so they were well prepared for this game. But even if they weren't it has such a simple (read: a dumb parent could do it. read: me) interface that any kid could be up and running with their island abode and pet in no time.

Of course the best part about the game is the network play (via WiFi) that enables the kids to play with others on the tropical isle and interact with other wacky pets. (You should have seen some of the get-ups these poor pets were subjected to!)

I asked the kids to give me their unbiased opinions on this game, and other than "Mmmph, cookie, hey!" and "That's MY pet!" I really didn't hear anything bad at all.

Mostly I heard...silence. Wheeee. Even if it only lasted 30 minutes and then it was time to hear, "MAHHHHM, what's for dinner?'

Check it out at www.gopets-ds.com You can thank me later.

I Tried, but I Lied

Dear Interwebs,

I have written this a hundred times in my head, but not once has it sounded like I wasn't the ass-iest person on the planet, so I'm going to try and get this out as succinctly and quickly as I can.

I've been lying to you. Well, technically NOT lying outright, but I have been AVOIDING THE TRUTH and SKIRTING AROUND THE ISSUE, so yeah, I guess lying covers it.

For the past month or so, since I announced my stomach troubles, I have been trying to act like everything is FINE and that all is NORMAL at the Casa de la KImber, when in fact, they are not. 

Things are far from fine. Things are shit. Really, really shit. I have lost more weight, have been coughing/gagging/miserable even more and the doctor(s) still don't know what is going on. Am I a total nutbar? Maybe, my dear internets, maybe.

I have never been so down (DOWN, says mah brain? You call THIS DOWN? This is borderline CRAZY, you bitch!) During my whole life, I've always been a glass half-full kind of person. I try to be independent and as strong as Susan Powter, but tonight? Tonight, I just give up.

I haven't wanted to share with y'all about how crap I feel because honestly? Sometimes pretending is good. I've been keeping all this shit to myself because who wants to read sad shit from a nerd like me? NOBODY. I've tried so hard to keep thinking that it's all going to get bettah (and soon!) and for a while it worked.

But truth be told, (hate that phrase) I've noticed some cracks in my sunny veneer. I've been working TOO much. I love my work, but taking on too many projects is OBVS a recipe for disaster. I've been avoiding my real life friends because I don't think I can handle their sympathy. I've been spending way too much online because no one can see me try and gag down my breakfast. I am so sad that a lot of people think I'm shallow and somewhat of a dimwit because I'm always looking for a laugh, but honestly? The funny is what gets me through my weeks.

I have wonderful people here. People who worry too much and try and help me every day. I don't know why I need to pretend that my health is perfect. I guess I just don't want anybody to feel sorry for me. Or think less of me for having this weakness.

But now? I really need a hand to hold. I need somebody to say that it's okay to be a little bit nuts. And it's all going to work out okay. Because unfortunately, I don't have a mother hen nearby to cluck over me.

God, this is depressing the fuck out of me.

And tomorrow? I'll go back to be Krazy Kimber, who talks inappropriately about her poor boobs.

Because honestly? What choice do I have?

Some Random Shiz, Because I've OBVS Left You Hanging for too Long

So, hi. I guess some of you know I was away and got Drunky McBooby Pants.. Those of you that didn't, I'll re-cap: Junket, Nerdy journalists, Margaritas You Could Swim in, Advil.

Observe:

Bonus! Coconut monkey head!

I've been trying to come up with some really relevant blog topics, but as usual mah brain is fried, so instead I give you this:

Some Things You Didn't Know about Kimber, and are Probably Glad You Didn't

1. When I was 12, I had three hamsters. They lived in my closet. My mother had no idea I had them because I went on the bus (horrors!) by myself to the pet store to buy one. And then she (the hamster, not my mom) had babies. Three of them. I think she ate one because then there were two. About 2 months after owning said hamsters, my mom finally opened my closet door and SURPRISE! Hamsters! One day I had my friend over and we were letting two of the babies play on the living room carpet when one of the hamsters bit my finger. I was so surprised I flung my hand up, screamed and the hamster hit the ceiling. Surprisingly, it lived for another four years. Super-Ninja-Hamster-Hero!
2. I hate people that say, "Suit yourself." In a perky and annoying fashion. I used to a have a client who would proof my copy and comment on my work, and I'd politely point out that it WAS correct, and she'd laugh and say meanly, "Ok, hun! Suit yourself!" Gah. STAB.STAB.STAB. 
3. I am always the tallest chick around. I admit I have lots of friends. Good, no, great, friends. But damn are they short. I'm like a Green Giant among them. I totally used to hate it, but now I've finally come to terms with it. Them shorties can't reach stuff on the top shelf at Target, now can they?
4. I have make-up issues. When I was away, we stopped at Crocker Park in Ohio. I immediately walked into Sephora and blew $128. On Philosophy body lotion, Stila eyeshadow, lip gloss and god knows what the fuck else. Am I a better person? Hell, no. But I do have lovely pinky lips and smell of coconut.
5. I don't eat shellfish. I consider them the insects of the sea. But give me a tasty fried crabcake and I'm all over it. It's weird, I know.
6. I am a horrible night driver. I see stuff I shouldn't and I squint against the glare. I hate it. 
7. I think Pizza Hut is disgusting. That is all. 
8. I don't see the appeal to old/new Star Trek episodes. Sorry, Shatner. 
9. I am in love with the ad company that made the freecreditreport.com commercials. I love those songs and the guys. 
10. I can't sleep with socks on. I hate, hate, hate being hot. And socks make my temperature raise by like 20 degrees. 
11. I hate when men wear Crocs. Mario Batali are you listening? Although the toddler wears a wee pair and they are soooo cute. Squeee.
12. And finally...although I've been very lax as of late, I love mah blog and I love you guys. I've been so busy lately (I KNOW! WHO HASN'T?) but I'm seriously changing around this website. Look for new links, new content *cough* and reviews of new products. Wheeee.