(cough) Am Sick (cough)

Oh, hai!
Did you believe that? (coooouuugh) Because neither did I. Am just totally uninspired. Have a shitload of work to be written this week, as well as girlfriends breathing down mah back because WE MUST GO OUT. Oh, and then there's the whole, "Let's clean the house because it is spring!" thing. And let's not forget the baby and her COUGH which shakes the foundation.

Am going to get new hairdo tomorrow. Mebbe a perm and color? Mebbe NOT? Any suggestions, interwebs? (If you say perm I shall smack you.)

The mothership STILL hasn't called. Am beginning to think she has found new offspring, because I AM AN ONLY CHILD. (Albeit not spoiled. OH.SHUT.UP, HUSBAND. OK, MAYBE A BIT. BUT I DESERVE IT AS I'M LONELY.)

Anyway, that's all I have tonight. I could write about non-existent illnesses I have or how I keep keep getting sent free diamonds in the mail. But I won't. Instead:

Scene: In-Laws house (right before I ATE the PORKCHOP! that invaded my brain)
At table- Alvez(Anemia Boy) and Me...
Me: So, I think you've been feeling better...
Him: yeah
Me: So THAT'S a good thing.
Him: yeah...What's this on my lip?
Me: (EWWEWW, GRODT, EWW), Uhm, where?
Him: On the corner!
Me: [squinting] OOH, look like HERPES!
Him: WHAT???????
Me: Yep
Him: On his iPod Touch: Nah-UHHH
Me: toodley-doo-doodah
Him: OMG! Are you serious??? (thx WebMD!!)
Me: Don't even think of kissing me...(moving chair away)
Him: GahGooGahAbrevaGahtiddlyDooDah
Me: Uhm, ok.
Him: And all this time I've been telling my friends I have the clap.
Me: ....
Him???
Me: WTF? You did not say that on the internet????
Him: Why?
ME, ME, ME: UHM, because! It's an STD!!!!
Him: I thought it was short for Hepatitis.
Me: Holy Fuck.
Him: Mawhm, stop swearing. Ooh, I think I have a pimple, too.

If my family finds out that mah son has been touting a non-existent STD, I may have to move to Jupiter. OMG, when will he/we learn?