Too Fabulous for Words

Anxiety & Angst

LORDY, but it's been a frantic/insane/god-awful week.

1. The husband got the grippe and was dying, y'all, DYING.

2. DEADLINES. DEADLINES. DEADLINES.

3. Revisions.

4. Fuuucccck.

5. The oldest son came down with the same aforementioned illness. Much hacking, couching, and general malaise. He, too, is dying.

6. OOH, another deadline! Whee!

7. My smell-o-meter has amped up to Mach 3900 and so has the barfing.

8. Am extremely annoyed.

9. Woke up this morning with earache, stuffy nose and one husband snoring in my ear.

10. Tra-la-laaa!

The bright spots of the week:

1. Received lovely package from Lil Miss! Adorable bib, burp pad and twee hat. Thanks!

2. Received my Birthday/Easter/Christmas/Hannukah/Memorial Day/Happy Barf Day box from Sporty! Thanks, girl!

3. Brought the daughter to my midwife appointment on Wednesday so she could hear the heartbeat. The ultrasound report came in and the baby is DEFINITELY a GIRL! Go Vaginas!

4. Went on shopping bender (because you know, I can't fucking have my wine) and purchased fab hotel-y chocoalte brown duvet, charteuse sheets, oodles of baby girl blankies and sleepers, pretty pretty wedgies, two skirts, a new leather club chair and OTTOman and Marian Keye's new book. Which y'all must read. IT'S HER BEST BOOK...EVER.

A digression: Found out that I've lost 23 lbs from excessive barfage. Interesting, huh? Especially because of the two "helpful" asshats who told me to quit whining about my nausea and to get a life. And no, I wasn't a whale before I got pregnant, either, like you so kindly suggested. At 5'9" and in a 6-8, I'd hardly qualify that as whalish proportions. Normal, maybe. And I'm sure the baby got plenty of nutrients from my ass, because it's growing normally despite my weird vegetable obsession and constant barfing of anything that's eaten too early/too late/too bland/too sugary. Fun! So, hey! Thanks for the advice, cos i really feel fine about my shape right now with this large bump sticking out of me and making me all clumsy and shit! Keep those comments coming!

HA.

I Don't Think You're Ready for this Belly

Behold! The Amazing! Power! of Lycra!

Dear Lord. Amazing the baby can grow when you barf 97 times a day.

Blaarwgggh

Oh my, heat.

Am so siccccccccccccccccck. The barfing and the queasy? ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING QUEASY.

Had 20 week ultrasound today. When I wasn't barfing I was praying for a porta-potty to pee in, because my bladder? It was FULL.

So. Last night? When I was supposed to be posting? I was actually sleeping because I've developed narcolepsy. No, wait. I mean sleep apnea. No, I'm still breathing so it's that other thing. UHHHM...Oh, yes! I've got it! I've developed Old-Bag's-I'm-Just-Resting-My-Eyes-Sickness.

And now? I must throw up. Again. Because PEOPLE...the barfing always wins.

Tomorrow! Is Friday! And I promise I NOW have no deadlines/appointments/annoying family members/cats urping on my foot, so I can hopefully pull myself together, brush my hair and tell you lovely people about my Easter weekend. I promise to leave the bits about the Easter ham swirling around the toilet out of it.

Guess What?

I'm going out to lunch! For a belated birthday fete for meeeeee!

So instead of posting about my loooonnnng-ass last week and Easter weekend (replete with piccies!), I'm going out to stuff myself full of Thai food and HOPEFULLY (blinking brightly!) I will not be throwing it up in zee toilet like I did with my Easter dinner.

Weeeee!

I promise and like totally pinky-swear, with an extra Girl Scout pledge thrown in there, that I WILL and SHALL post by tonight.

Yay for you!

To Tell the Truth

You know...

That whole thing about posting while away? Pffffft.

Am apparently very busy and important. And dumb. No, really. DUMB. My shiny and pretty Mac Mighty Mouse has died, y'all. DIED. And can I function using the itty-bitty touchpad on my iBook?

No, is the answer.

So I've had to steal the other Mac mousey from the Mac Mini (because it took me 5 days to figure out that using the touchpad was NOT working) and then resume my normalish blogging duties.)

HA! Like I ever had normalish blogging duties.

Suckers.

So anyway, I had a lovely time in PA, communing with the Amish, eating at many food places and buying me some birthday gear.

That sentence above totally made me say, "Skills! Numchuk skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills… girls only want boyfriends who have great skills."

I KNOW! I'm only getting WEIRDER.

So, like, the list of my fab purchases must wait until later, because, YO, the baby wants some pizza. PEEEEEEETE-ZAAAAAAA. And not just any ole pizza, but only authentic NY style pizza from western New York, dawgs. So my fabulous husband is picking me up for a pizza date. Yum. Should mix nicely with the Mehican that I had for lunch.

Wait! Don't leave yet! I'll also be posting my 19 week BELLY pic (MY Bump, my Bump, my lovely baby bump!) which according to SOME people is borderline chunky, although how she has bionic eyes to see me from all the way in California is beyond me.

It shall shock you! And astound you! And make you go Hmmmm...

Or perhaps it will make you swear off sex for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Either way...tune in.

*PS* My lovely and demure friend, Cheryl, is celebrating her b-day today. Happy Birthday, you old bat. I lurve you!

Survey Says...

After having a virtual arm wrestle with Little Miss last night (and having her totally kick my ass. Damn, she may be tiny, but she's wiry!) I've decided to post very quick-like and announce the gender of the New! Surprise! Baby! After! Seven! Years! Of! No! BABIES!

According to the ultrasound...

And having the tech most cautiously say...

It looks to be...

A cocker spaniel!

No, WAIT! I meant pug!

Okay, okaaaaaaay! It's really going to be a...

GIRL!

Whoot!

And now since it's my (uggh!) 35th Birthday, I must go. Zoom, zoom like the Madza RX7 or something. Because we are going away to stuff our faces full of delicious foodstuffs and buy me many, many pretty things.

I shall post from zee hotel, where the internets are free and the wine is always warm.

Happy Birthday to MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Breephley

Am out the door, so ultrasound update will be this afternoon. But just wanted to quickly say:

1. For every asshole PR person that I come across, I find one who goes above and beyond getting their client to connect with me. For that I say, "Bless you."

2. Peanut M&M's cause a baby to do the hokey-pokey during ultrasounds.

3. When you are out of catfood, the cats will do everything in their power to ensure that they scare the shit out of you by leaping out of the bathtub when you stumble into a darkened bathroom at 4:30 am.

4. Fuckers.

5. I pee FAR TOO OFTEN.

6. Bananas coming back up are not nearly as tasty as when they are going down.

7. What the hell happened to Kenny Rogers? THAT WAS NOT HIM LAST NIGHT on American Idol. I seriously suspect his brother Lenny of killing him and stuffing him into a dumpster somewhere and assuming ole Kenny's identity. Although WHY he'd want to is beyond me.

8. It's snowing here. SNOWING.

9. My boobs have grown. Overnight. That is all.

10. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I was uhm, kidding about the name Chauncey. I really want to name the baby Fester or maybe Myrtle. Or maybe after one of those kids on Saved by the Bell. Anyone except Screech.

Miso Busy

Hello. How are you? That is good. Me? Oh, ho, ho, ho. You don't want to even GO there. Oh. You do?

Okay, then.

After finishing up another massive article last Wednesday, I took myself shopping. For some reason I decided I needed a panini maker and bought a kick-ass Cuisinart one. I've taken to shouting "PANINI!" randomly when I walk around the house, scaring both myself and the cats. Just for the record, the baby must like roast beef and arugula on sourdough because I managed to keep it down with minimal gagging.

Last Thursday I had my 1st midwife appt. and finally got to hear the heartbeat. Yay! Since the last time I was at the midwifery practice, they have new offices and have expanded their practice. It is great to see. I had thought maybe I'd go to an OB this time, but decided to go back to the midwives again because I had such a good experience with the daughter.

Thursday night, we stayed at Great Wolf Lodge which is a fabulous indoor waterpark and resort. The husband had installed some faux greenery for the hotel, so we were invited to stay there gratis for their soft opening. It was loads of fun for the kids (the only sad thing was that I couldn't bring the panini maker) and if you happened to see me there, I was the one floating in the wave pool, trying not to barf and wearing a MATERNITY tankini. YEE-GODS, I actually broke down and got one, because this belly? It's popped! I've got 1/2 a soccerball stuffed in there.

GAH.

Friday was the oldest son's 17th birthday. Yes, I actually just wrote that. I can't possibly be a mother to a 17 year old. I'm so OLLLLLLD. He received the-most-glorious-machine-in-the-whole-wide-world-mom, the XBox 360. Ugh. I SO wish they would stop coming out with new systems every few years. We came home from the resort and let the man-child pick his fave dinner (NOT PANINIS!) and then I went to bed. (Actually his day was more exciting than that, but I doubt anyone wants to hear about it.)

I worked on some articles over the weekend that are actually due NEXT week, but since Friday is MY birthday and we are going away for the weekend, I thought I'd act like an ALMOST 35 year old and get a jump on the work.

I also ate some lemongrass miso soup for lunch on Sunday and let me tell you RIGHT now, MISO is on my shit list, right under cottage cheese.

Yesterday, I woke up, got the kids off to school and then crawled back under the duvet and went back to sleep. Apparently it's the baby's fault (it's my pat excuse now.) Stupid daylight savings time messing with my schedule. Then I got up, worked on an article and made grilled cheese paninis and soup for dinner. PANINI!

I've got another ultrasound today and HOPEFULLY the technician has good eyesight and will be able to tell the SEX! of the BABY! Because I MUST KNOW. With the other kids, we never found out, but since this time around it was a SURPRISE! and we have NOTHING!NADA!ZIPPO! in the form of baby-related items, we've decided to find out. I'm 18w3d today, so we should get a pretty clear view. The daughter has been actively campaigning for a girl and both boys are convinced that it is another boy. Me? I have some suspicions, but considering I didn't even know I was pregnant this time, WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW?

I rushed to the mailbox this morning hoping for a birthday card from my mother or even a stranger and instead received another issue of my Wish magazine. Thanks, Heidi! I'm going to take it along with me today and read it while I'm waiting at the ultrasound office and then later at the bloody dentist.

Besides consuming PANINIS! I've been eating a lot of vegetables. A LOT. I crave vegetables like some people crave ice cream sundaes. Broccoli cheddar soup, greek salads, tomato and basil salad, asparagus steamed with lemon and cucumber "chips" dipped in tuna salad. I know! Fucking weird! But I find that as soon as I eat anything too carb-y or sweet, it comes right back up and honestly, do you have any idea how sick I am of barfing?

PANINI!

Baby sex update soon! I didn't give you a lot of time to start a pool, did I? Oh, well. It doesn't matter though because no matter if it's a boy or a girl, we are naming it Chauncey!

OMG

Had my first midwife appt. on Thursday. Everything seems fine.

We then received the shock of our lives when we found out that it's............

TWINS!

Ack!

What are we going to do?